Normalise Enjoying Life - It Is Not a Race!
It is so easy to compare yourself to those of a similar age or position to you, but why do we do it? It makes us feel worse, it encourages feelings of disappointment (in ourselves!), and we start to see life as a race, rather than enjoying it. I want this blog to highlight that these feelings are normal and share my feelings around this topic – amongst some tough (yet realistic) views!
Most of us are extremely guilty of scrolling through social media and taking others’ successes (careers, education etc.) as face value; but social media is not a true reflection of our lives; even LinkedIn! Do we post the bad days? The days where we feel like an imposter in our own life or if we had a bad day at work? The truth is no, because we do not want that to change people’s perception of our “happy” lives. In a world where we use social media daily (not just to pry on the success of others – although it is great for that!), we only start to realise the effect that it has on our well-being when we stop using it. But for many, the use of social media is so integral, particularly since the pandemic. We rarely discuss the damaging effects that it is having on us, we are subject to so many unrealistic views of people’s lives and assume that our life should look similar. However, it shouldn’t, and it does not need to. Research suggests that social media causes anxiety and depression, particularly in younger generations that have been subject to social media for many of their lives and those who draw comparisons to these unrealistic views; which is practically everyone (O’Reilly et al., 2017). Is the scrolling really worth it?
I have recently learnt that there is no clear path to life, and feelings of imposter syndrome* can and will exist at any point in your life; and that is normal! Just because people of a similar age to you are buying houses, or having children, or bagging their dream job – that does not mean we have to follow those steps. Honestly, there are no steps in life. We immerse ourselves in others’ successes, but what is a success to one, is not a success to all. For me currently, having children is not a priority or deemed as a personal success; but to others, that is their success. And that is ok. We must normalise being different to others, we must normalise having a different career path, we must normalise these feelings – because we are not alone.
So, my advice? When you have a day full of self-doubt and feelings of imposter syndrome*, do not be tempted to scroll through social media for reassurance. You will rarely find someone that is on the same path as you, or at least one that has documented it online. Write down your achievements, recognise them before seeking validation from others. Posting on LinkedIn will not make you feel better, no matter how many likes you receive. Look at the bigger picture, reflect on the hurdles that you have overcome to get to the position that you are in now; even if it is not a position that you want to be in permanently. And keep reminding yourself; there is no race and there is no perfect time for anything. Enjoy every day, even the bad ones, because we really can do anything – the only thing stopping us, is us.
*Imposter syndrome refers to “high-achieving individuals who, despite their objective successes, fail to internalize their accomplishments and have persistent self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud or impostor.” (Bravata et al., 2020, p. 1254)
References
Bravata, D., Watts, S., Keefer, A., Madhusudhan, D., Taylor, K., Clark, D., Nelson, R., Cokley, K., Hagg, H. (2020) Prevalence, Predictors, and Treatment of Impostor Syndrome: a Systematic Review. Journal of General Internal Medicine, 35 (4), pp. 1252-1275.
O’Reilly, M., Dogra, N., Whiteman, N., Hughes, J., Eruyar, S., Reily, P. (2018) Is social media bad for mental health and wellbeing? Exploring the perspectives of adolescents. Clinical child psychology and psychiatry, 23 (4), pp. 601-613.
